*hopeless mode*

I woke up this morning and said "shit" when I saw the clock. I woke up late. And I feel like I will be having a bloody Christmas this year.

I have missed some classes for two weeks and it breaks the law. I make some male friends hurt. I have so much trouble this month. And I think my life will be so much awful this month. Then "the daily bread" I read today somehow convinced me to have faith that everything gonna be okay. Just ask God for help me. Then I just prayed so deeply. Sounds so hopeless today.

Why suddenly I look so desperate??

Why boys are so dumb???

I think I have problem with some friends, with some male friends exactly.

I've just changed my relationship status on Facebook. And suddenly some of my male friends act so different to me!!! They seem to hide from me or avoid me. It really hurts me!! They suckaaa!!!

Hey! I am your friend, men!!! Why you have to act different to me??? I am not married yet, stupid!! So please be normal!!! U truly sucka, men!!! Hate you all!!!

I really don't know what to say. Why they look so not gentlemen????? Arghhhh.. whatever!!! They really suck!!!

I really miss all the joke, all the crazy time with them. I really need them!! But why they suddenly disappear????? Oh pleaseeee come back to me.... I really need you all, sucka!!!

They don't have to act different to me. I am still the person I am. No need to be afraid to make friend with me.

I really feel so lonely now. Hufffff...... Why boys are so dumb??????

The Soloist

By the way, I've just watched THE SOLOIST!!!

OMG OMG OMG!!! This is what I've been dreaming of!! I've been looking for this movie since months ago!! And finally I got it today in the CD rental!! Ay ay ay!!!

I was so happy to watch this movie! I love Robert Downey Jr!! I love his character! I love this type of man who seems to be wild, unpredictable, crazy, caring, and professional in certain fields.

Steve Lopez as a Los Angeles Times columnist met Nathaniel Ayers by chance. Nathaniel is considered as a cello prodigy. But been kicked off from Julliard in his second year because of schizophrenia. He then lives in the street for about 30 years and becomes homeless.

Lopez got interested to write about Nathaniel for his column. He made chronicles of Nathaniel's daily activities and had touched many people heart including the mayor.

Time goes by, they develop a friendship. Many times they screw up their relation. But always end up with apology or something like that. lol!! That's common in a friendship I think.

Lopez thought he can help Nathaniel and send him to appropriate place instead of living in the street. But he was just wrong. He can not change people. He just needs to be a friend. Sometimes we don't need to change someone, we just need to be his/her friend.

This movie looks good. It's based on a true story, man! But I just don't like some part of this movie. There are some dialogue and prologue that seem to be fuzzy and complicated. And also some scenes that look not essential.

However this movie can be really good for students who want to learn making feature, or other journalistic stuffs.

Well, somehow, I feel like I have Steve Lopez character in myself. Yes, I am unpredictable, silly, crazy, passionate, etc etc. *confident mode* And sometimes I try to help other people but always end up with conclusion that I can not change people, I can not help them, I just need to be their friend.

I Think I Love You

Anyway, I got a kinda funny song from The Partridge Family. Actually I love the lyrics instead of the music. lol!! However, the music sounds so funny.

Here the lyrics:

THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY - I Think I Love You

I'm sleeping
And right in the middle of a good dream
like all at once I wake up
From something that keeps knocking at my brain
Before I go insane
I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed
Screaming out the words I dread:
"I think I love you!" (I think I love you)

This morning, I woke up with this feeling
I didn't know how to deal with
And so I just decided to myself
I'd hide it to myself
And never talk about it
And didn't I go and shout it
When you walked into my room.
"I think I love you!" (I think I love you)

I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for
I think I love you
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I've never felt this way

Believe me
You really don't have to worry
I only want to make you happy
And if you say,
hey, go away, I will
But I think better still
I ought to stay around and love you
Do you think I have a case?
Let me ask you to your face:
Do you think you love me?
I think I love you!

After reading this one, I think I'm in love too! Hahahaha!! But I don't know whether this feeling is "valid". I just can't convince myself but sometimes there are times when I can't get him out of my head. Geeeezzzzz.........

Yes yes, Partridge Family. I'am also afraid that I'm not sure of. A love there is no cure for. But I think I love him. lol!

And I think I know why I'm not sure and afraid. That's perhaps because I am dealing with uncertainty given by him. Hah! Pathetic!

Babycry

Aku pengen nangis. Aku pengen nangis. Aku pengen nangisssssssss!!

Barusan buka fesbuknya Ravi, temen Indikator. Di album fotonya ada foto-foto IJT (Indikator Journalism Today) yang hari Sabtu-Minggu dua minggu lalu. And aku gak datang karena gak bisa! :( :( :( :( :( Jadi gak bisa foto-foto!! Lho???

Sabtunya wakilin Indikator di Pekan Seni, acara kampus. Minggunya lupa ngapain. Pokoknya gak bisa dateng!

Seumur-umur aku hidup di Indikator, aku gak pernah ikut IJT! Padahal udah 3 tahun disana. Tiap kali pengen ikut, selaluuuu aja ada hal yang bikin gak bisa ikut. Rasanya pengen nangis benerannnnn.......... Ini tahun terakhirku di Indikator and aku gak pernah ikut itu. Gak bisa ngerasain kebersamaan dengan teman-teman di camp, outbond, and bla bla bla. :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Di bawah hujan ada kopi, gak nyambung kaleee!

Hari ini dingin, basah, lazy, de es be, de es be.

Gw tidur jam 5 pagi. Ehhh, bangunnya kesiangan! Waktu lihat jam, udah 9.57!!! Gedubrakkkk!!! Les biola gw jam 10, man!!!!!

Ya udah deh, cepet-cepet mandi ala Linda (baca: hemat air, hemat sabun, hemat waktu). Buku-buku biola asal-asalan dimasukkin ke tas. Biola and bow-nya juga asal-asalan dimasukkin ke violin case. *upssss*

Langsunggg tanceppp ke rumah Tante Kiem. Nyampenya jam 9.45!! Adouwww... gw muka tembok ajeee........

Dia sampe heran kok telatnya keren banget sampe 45 menit. Hahahaha.

Pulangnya... HUJAN DERESSSSS!!!!!!!!

Astaganagaaaa....

Karena gw dua kali naek angkot, jadinya harus turun dulu entah dimana, trus nyambung lagi. Nah, pas turun itu, tiba-tiba aer dari langit turun kayak aer bah! Busyetttt... tas biola gw basah kuyuppp..... Selagi gw berteduh di bawah papan 1x4 meter, gw lihat-lihat tas item keren itu, ehhh ternyata restleting biolanya ke kebuka dikit! Wewww... gw udah takut kalo biolanya ikutan basah.

Itu biola, man! Kena aer dikit aja bisa berabeee!

Asli, udah ujannya deres, dingin, basah kuyup, kacamata juga basah.. bener-bener malang......

Gigi gw sampe ber-grrr grrr ria saking dinginnya. Bener-bener dinginnnnnn..........

Kira-kira gw tunggu 45 menit sampe dapat angkot. Kenapa bisa lama begitu? Karena gw turun di dekat masjid yang lagi sholat jumat! Otomatis jalan ditutup, and angkot gw pada muter jalan! Jadi harus nunggu sampe jumatan selese. Wuihhhh, wuenak tenan jalan ditutup dua jam.

Aduh ampun, gak bisa gw bayangin tampang gw saat itu. Mirip pengamen nyasar dari hongkyounggg...... Hahahaha....

Nyampe di kos, ehhh mati lampu! Gw maki-maki tu PLN sialan! Anjris bener tiap hari mati lampu bolak-balik!

Pas gw baca di Kompas, si Faisal Basri nulis kalo selama 65 tahun Indonesia merdeka, ternyata pasokan listrik cuma 65%. Jadi, apakah kita harus nunggu sampe Indonesia merdeka 100 tahun biar seluruh Nusantara bisa menikmati listrik??? Ternyata pemerintahan negara ini bukan hanya bobrok, tapi bener-bener bobrok! Gimana gak bobrok kalo banyak pejabatnya "pemaen sinetron". Pantes aja Indonesia gak maju-maju. Lha wong gimana mau kerja kalo listrik bolak-balik mati??

Nah lanjouttt...

Gw langsung mandi biar gak sakit. Secara gitu lho paling anti kena hujan.

Eh, baru aja selese mandi, listrik nyala! Kok gak dari tadi nyalanya, wak???

Trus gw lihat violin gw... ohhhh syukurlahhhh gak basah... Air hujannya ngeresap di kain beludrunya... yeehaaaa....

Setelah itu gw merasa jadwal gw kacauuu semuaaaa.. Harusnya jam 1 siang gw udah stand-by di ruang dosen pembimbing gw buat ngerjain skripsi gw. Opsss... gw belum nulis ya kalo gw udah dapat wangsit buat skripsi? Ehe ehe........... Ntar deh di lain waktu gw tulis. *wink*

So, gw langsung sms dosen gw itu. Gw tunggu setengah jam gak dibalas-balas. Wadouw wadouww... gw udah bingang bingung gak jelas. Gimana gak stress kalo hari Senin bab 1,2,3 harus udah selese karena Juwita, Dyta, and me udah booking seminar proposal akhir bulan ini. Sempro panel, bok. And gw baru aja nemu judul and belom mulai nulis sama sekaleee.....

Ehhhh... beberapa menit kemudian ada bunyi telpon! Ternyata dosen gw itu yang telpon.

"Halo selamat siang."

"Nah Linda, saya ini baru selese rapat. Dimana sekarang?"

"Saya di kos, Pak. Tapi kalo literaturnya udah ada, saya datang sekarang ke kampus."

"Gini aja, Senin kamu bawa laptopmu sama flashdiscmu, ntar kerjain di kantor saya."

"Aihhhhh???? *mata gw hampir copot* Pak Rofik bilang bab 1,2,3-nya harus selese hari Senin karena udah booking jadwal sempronya."

"Ntar saya yang ngurus biar hari Selasa aja ngumpulnya. Ok?"

"Oke lah, boz!"

"Oke. Kalau gitu sampai jumpa hari Senin."

"Sippp..... Makasih ya, pak!"

Wuenakkkk tenannnn......... Soalnya gw memang udah malas banget ke kampus sore-sore basah begini. Pengen menikmati secangkir kopi panas and wafer soalnya. Hahahahaha.......

Good morninggg............

Selamat pagi, Indonesiaaa.....

Hehehe.... Ini jam setengah enam lho! And aku udah bangun!!! Hahaha.

Tepatnya aku bangun jam EMPAT PAGI!!! Whooooooooo......... It's such a miracle!!!

Aku kayaknya ketiduran sekitar jam 12 waktu lagi baca novel. haha. Siangnya ketiduran juga (bukan tidur siang, cuy!) and laptopku tetap nyala. Banyak chat yang masuk tapi gak kubalas. Mungkin pikir temen-temen sombong karena gak balas. Tapi apa daya... ketidurannnnn booooo...........

Nah, enak banget kalo bangun pagi lho. Jadi teringat masa-masa jaya dulu. Halah.

Bangun pagi itu enak karena bisa saat teduh dengan tenang. Doa, baca alkitab, and bersih-bersih kamar. lol!!!

At least bisa mendekatkan diri pada Tuhan.

Hm, aku juga jadi belajar banyak. Di saat teduh pagi ini aku diingatkan untuk tidak membatasi Tuhan. Sebagai manusia aku punya banyak kekurangan. Aku terlalu angkuh dan tidak mau berserah. Kadang aku pesimis karena kemampuanku yang pas-pasan tapi mimpi-mimpiku lebay-lebay. Tapi tangan Tuhan tidak kurang panjang ketika kita menyerahkan semua kekuatiran kita pada-Nya.

Tuhan itu panjang sabar, pengasih, pengampun. Dia cuma pengen kita minta ampun and sepenuhnya mengandalkan Dia. Dan Dia yang akan bekerja dalam hidup kita. Kita cukup mengerjakan bagian kita saja dan punya iman kalau tidak ada yang mustahil.

Aku juga diingatkan untuk tidak mengucapkan kata-kata yang sia-sia.

Sejak nonton Punk In Love, aku sering banget misu-misu pake boso jowo. Entah itu anjrit, jancuuuk (opssss), jambul, de el el. Itu semua termasuk kata yang sia-sia. Sedangkan Tuhan pengen kita mengucapkan kata-kata yang membangun, yang lemah lembut.

Sering banget setelah ngucapin kata-kata yang gak berguna itu aku merasa gak tentram. Mulai hari ini aku bertekad gak mau ngucapin kata-kata geje itu! Eya eyaaa....

Oya. Hari ini ada dua temenku yang seminar proposal skripsi, Memi and Dian. Wah aku harap mereka berdua bisa melewatinya. Soalnya aku rada merinding dengerin kata "proposal skripsi". Hahaha.

Tapi sayang, sempronya Memi jam 9. Sedangkan aku ada kuliah jam segitu. Huffff......

Wewww.... udah mau jam 6 nih. Aku harus masak secepatnya!

Ok deh.... See you, people........................